My dyspraxia is ruining my reltionship

[Vonkate]

I need help, I am 19 n I am in enagaged, but recently my dyspraxia has been causing problems, we have been arguing a lot. Last night we had a massive arugument and he told me that he can't talk to me because I don't listen, but I do, but I don't understand what he is saying and I know that this a symptom of dyspraxia. But my fiancée has had enough. We cannot see a sulation and we don't want to break up. I don't know what to do, I try my hardest to understand and ask what he means, but I feel stupid when I ask him to explain and when I cannot understand I get annoyed and when I get into a bad mood that is when the problem starts because he feels he cannot communciate with me.
Please can someone help me, it causing me soo many problems, I am also suffering from depression and have been for over a year and it has got worse in the last couple of months when these big arguments started.

[laurajm]

I have problem aswell I have lived with my boyfriend for a year now and we do argue quite a bit, he also says I don't understand what he says when I do. I get frustrated quite a bit and I end up getting emotional which of course makes the argument worse because then he cannot talk to me. I would also like some help.

[Osymandus]

Hi guys
Now don;t take this teh wrong way , but sadly its experince . Also having any form of disability can put strain on any relationship . Its about communication and being as open as possible (both ways ).

Have your and your partners down and discussed the condition , have you spoken about your selfs what you b oth want (im not going to do the stereotype of saying will your 19 blah , as I've met plenty of old souls your age and a lot of immature 40 + ) . Talking is alwasy the best way .

Feeling stupid about asking is sadly something we all need to deal with its part of teh self confidence issue , but your partner should love and trust you and hopefully be a bit more patient . Try explaining that you want to sometimes ask them to repeat what they said or explain slower (if your partners a man give him a treat who respond well to that well most NT males do some of us ND's are a bit more cunning )

[Catwoman42]

I struggle with relationships. I feel i am coming to the end of one right now. I flagged this up to him from the start, but he didn't want to listen.....

[Evasura]

that's unfortunate. Is it that they don't listen or is it that you say and they say "yeah, yeah" but then they don't really know what it means and when it comes to the practicalities of it they can't cope with it?just a thought, sorry to hear that

[Evasura]

and if s/he can't accept you the way you are, well, then maybe better off without him/her?

[Catwoman42]

I'm just bad at relationships....I get bored.

[conor]

19 is too young,not mature enough,and then dyspraxia on top of that,more time is need to understand one another,we all learn in our live,imagine you got married and then it got too hard,learning before can be a help in the after....also 19 is too young:p

[Vonkate]

We have been togther for 3 years. so we do understand each other, its just when i get into a bad mood i act like a 5 year old! we are trying to take action to sort it out but it is hard! i know that reltionships are hard anyway but is it harder when you have dyspraxia??

[Vix80]

I don't think it's "harder" to have a relationship because of dyspraxia, as all relationships face some hurdles to be overcome. I also can very easily relate to the "you just don't listen to me" part..as i am guilty of that too, and no matter how times it's mentioned, and I see it, and try...it does come back. For me, as iI can only speak for myself, it's a case of saying, i have this condition and it is not an excuse or a barrier, and i will try and listen more, but if i ask you to repeat yourself, please try and have some patience and realise i am merely asking you help me, so we can get through this arguement to a better side.
It won't always work, and some arguements are just bad, because of what is going on, the way i find is by repeating what they say to me, and thinking ok, i need to take this in, and then i can have my say and maybe we can come to a good conclusion.

[Blue-eyed]

So I have a very big problem with my gf that has been going on for some time. We can't discuss anything and I just can't seem to get it right. Last night for example she wanted me to comfort her because she missed me ( we are long distance) and I was saying calm down don't be upset but she took that to mean I was telling her off assuming she was mad. So I tried and tried to explain myself however she felt that I shouldn't be trying to justify myself. I felt I had no chance to speak and I instantly got mad, she's feels that I'm always the one speaking and that I don't listen to her. She knows about my dyspraxia and really she's trying too. Really we're both trying a great deal but its always me who loses control and grasp of whats going on. I feel like a man speaking in a language that no one can understand sometimes. I feel like the only way out is to accept what the other person wants. This doesn't just happen with my gf it happens with work and family to, but nowhere near as a explosive as it becomes with my gf although really I think its because I just accept it with everyone else. I don't understand because everything I say is to resolve the situation but it all just comes out in different lengths and it all sounds different to what I really mean to say. It takes a long time and its all completely different to what I really mean. Sometimes we argue and after all the shouting and to my shame her tears we get to the bottom of it and she's like "Is that it? ". I lose sight of the importance and what is happening, I feel I just don't have the luxury of having a steady normal conversation like she can and so I feel like I'm inflicting a lot on her.

I do this in our arguments a lot as in I'm strainihng for the write words. |I|t all happens so fast and when I **** her off understandably her patience has gone. "What about what I want and what I need" she says
I know exactly what she wants and needs I just can't seem to do it properly because I can't communicate it.

"Any fool can make things complicated - It takes a genius to create simplicity" unless you have dyspraxia then its twice as hard.
This is an example of the exstremes I get to when we argue She wants a simple calm me and I can't give it to her right now. I can't define my boundaries and I never have been able to

[Vonkate]

Sorry for not replaying quicker, havnet been on in a long time.
Everything you explained is nearly the same as my reltionship! It is like I am speaking in a different language!

The arguments between me and my bf have got better because I have chosen to walk to away and calm down, then I go back and we talk calmly, and we talk about what annoyed us in the first place then we sort them out.
I know it's not easy to walk away when you are in a bad mood, but it does help. I recommend trying this a couple of times to see if it can help.
Good luck and let me know if this helps.

[Blue-eyed]

Thankyou very much. I haven't tried it yet but I will give it go. Its incredibly hard because I get so angry and frustrated. Often its because I just confuse myself with what I'm saying. I'll try it and let you know thankyou VONKATE : )